Hi friends…Jessie here. Please forgive me for my absence. I was so excited to get the blog going again and felt like I had so much to share, but I have been struggling through some health issues. The physical symptoms soon gave way to mind, soul, and spirit symptoms and so…I’ve been hiding.
I was diagnosed with a condition called POTS Syndrome and, I will spare you the details but, basically it makes your body do crazy and scary things. It has been called “the invisible illness” because everything crazy and scary is happening on the inside to the autonomic nervous system.
I often hear the comment…”Well, you LOOK fine!” And while, I suppose, it’s nice to hear that I don’t look as badly as I feel sometimes, it makes me a bit sad too. A comment like that, when you’re struggling through difficult circumstances, emotions, and fears can make someone feel like they are not seen.
As I was pondering these thoughts one morning, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Remember, abortion is like that too.”
The Lord is so gracious to continually remind me of the healing He has brought me through Surrendering the Secret from past, multiple abortions. My heart is for those that have experienced pain, loss, and shame after abortion and how beautiful it is that the Lord would use this hard time in my life to stir my heart for those who are silently suffering. Because sometimes we can become removed from that old pain and lose sight of what others might be dealing with….on the inside…where no one else can see.
So many of us thought we were doing what was necessary for our situations. We had permission from our government, doctor, family, friends, maybe even from our church. We were told that this would be a “quick fix”, and we could move on with our day, and our lives like nothing happened.
We wouldn’t have to think about it again.
But at some point, invisible wounds started to take shape in the form of loss, grief, pain, shame, fear, self-loathing, anger, rage, guilt, confusion, apathy, or emotional numbing.
Maybe for some, those invisible wounds began to rise to the surface (or just made existing issues worse) in the form of toxic behaviors such as promiscuity, substance abuse, addictions of all kinds, eating disorders, suicide attempts or self-harming, co-dependency, a disdain for children, pregnant women, or baby showers or developing an obsessive need to keep future children safe…all without the knowledge that these behaviors have a direct link to the past abortion(s).
Disenfranchised grief is a type of pain that is not understood or validated by others. Honestly, the pain after abortion is not even always understood by the sufferer. And this is why so many stuff the suffering, ignore the pain, and move on. Hiding in plain sight.
I have fallen in love with the writings of Charles Spurgeon. The way his words illustrate the truths and promises of God are, in my opinion, simply stunning. On Sabbath Morning, November 11, 1855, at New Park Street Chapel the Reverend delivered a sermon called “Healing for the Wounded.”
His words perfectly portray what I want to communicate next to you.
“Man is a double being: he is composed of body and soul, and each of the portions of man may receive injury and hurt. The wounds of the body are extremely painful, and if they amount to a breaking of the frame the torture is singularly exquisite. Yet God has in his mercy provided means whereby wounds may be healed and injuries repaired. The soldier who retires from the battle-field, knows that he shall find a hand to extricate the shot, and certain ointments and liniments to heal his wounds. We very speedily care for bodily diseases; they are too painful to let us slumber in silence: and they soon urge us to seek a physician or a surgeon for our healing. Oh, if we were as much alive to the more serious wounds of our inner man; if we were as deeply sensible of spiritual injuries, how earnestly should we cry to “the Beloved Physician,” and how soon should we prove his power to save. Stabbed in the most vital part by the hand of our original parent, and from head to foot disabled by our own sin, we yet remain insensible as steel, careless and unmoved, because, though our wounds are known they are not felt. We should count that soldier foolish, who would be more anxious to repair a broken helmet than an injured limb. Are not we even more to be condemned, when we give precedence to the perishing fabric of the body, and neglect the immortal soul? You, however, who have broken hearts, can no longer be insensible; you have felt too acutely to slumber in indifference. Your bleeding spirit cries for consolation.”
There is an incredible statement found in Jeremiah 6:14. It says, “They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.”
Jesus sees the wounds that no one else sees. And your past does not disqualify you from His love and care.
I want to leave you with a challenge…and not just to those with abortion in their past…in fact, this challenge can be for anyone that has been carrying the heavy burden of pain or shame from any circumstance.
Today, if you find yourself suffering from invisible wounds, will you lay them at the feet of Jesus and ask Him how He wants to heal those wounds?
“The next time you rise to some idea of God, by viewing the starry floor of his magnificent temple above, strive to compel your contemplation to this thought, that the same mighty hand which rolls the stars along, puts liniments around the wounded heart; that the same being who spoke worlds into existence, and now impels those ponderous globes through their orbits, does in his mercy cheer the wounded, and heal the broken in heart.” – Charles Spurgeon
April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month, and we would love to walk with you on your journey to healing. To be connected to one of our trained and certified Surrendering the Secret leaders, please reach out to surrenderingthesecret.com/find-help.
I love this Jessie. I pray in Jesus Mighty name for healing from this syndrome you shared. You have a work to do & God wants you healed & free from this! Peace & love to you. ?
Thank you Kathy!
Thanks for being vulnerable. Changing my diet helped me overcome Fibromyalgia, also an autoimmune condition. As long as I get proper sleep and manage stress with exercise and prayer I do well. Praying that you experience some healing. You are an amazing woman and mom. I am so thankful our paths crossed! A are a blessing to so many!
What a perfect blog. How can I share this to facebook in honor of Abortion Awareness?
Thank you Tina! We have this posted to the Surrendering the Secret Facebook and Instagram pages so you can easily share it from those sources.
Beautiful! Thank you so much Jessie, You are a blessing!!
Thank you Cathy!
Not only do I share an abortion history with you, but I also share a POTS diagnosis (along with multiple comorbidities) with you. Will be lifting you up in prayer!
Wow, thank you for sharing Sandy! Praying for healing in Jesus’ Name!
Beautifully written, Jessie. Thank you for sharing your heart. And thank you for the challenge – a reminder there is always more to heal.
Love you my friend!
I share Cathy’s sentiment above. This is beautiful! Powerful!! Thank you so much . . . you are a blessing. Lifting you up in prayer . . . standing on God’s Word that “by His stripes, we (you) are healed.”
Thank you Denise!
Jessie, Beautifully told! Thank you for sharing your sweet, wise truths!
Crazy that there are 3 of us with Autonomic Dysfunction. I’m praying for you and appreciate your faithfulness to sharing God’s grace in the midst of your storm.
I’m so glad that the Lord connected us through this Christine!
Dear Jessie what a beautiful writing! I pray that Gods continues to give you strength and courage on this path … I think we are all carrying something that pulls at us … I am so thankful for you. You encourage others on their paths and the paths intersect knowing we are not alone on our journey.
Thanks you Carolyn!
Jessie, your testimony of how the Lord has healed you on the inside is strengthening my faith for the same. And, “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well” 3 John 2.
Thank you Brandy!
Jessie, You are a blessing! And I am so blessed to have you as my daughter. You are so kind, gentle, and caring. You are helping others through your life story. I love you.
Jessie: I am a bit behind these days. I have just now read the above and want you to know that I will be praying for you. You are beautiful inside and out! Your heart for this ministry is so precious! The only thing I really wish is that I could post this article on Facebook especially from our pregnancy center page. Donors and clients alike would benefit from reading this blog. Blessings and prayers!
This is beautiful Jessie…your words affirm the message that God wastes nothing. How wonderful it is knowing that as He walks through this with you, He is using is for purposes far beyond what we can ever imagine. Hugs to you honey.
Absolutely beautiful, Jessie. Reminds me of the “beauty from ashes” scripture. You are such an encouragement to me.