This particular Mother’s Day may prove to be even more of a challenge than usual for those that have experienced abortion. Not only is this day a public reminder as empty arms, and empty chairs around the family table speak volumes of what abortion has stolen…but we have also been bombarded by “shout it from the rooftop” messages, from both sides of the line, stemming from the the recent leak of the SCOTUS opinion regarding Roe v Wade.
Even as I write this, my mind is spinning with all that I have seen and heard. I want to send the the “right” message to you all, but what does that look like???
Jesus, take the keyboard…
When you are a mother who has lost a child to abortion, grief can be not only difficult, but confusing as well.
It’s difficult because the pain is often unspoken. It is a disenfranchised loss, meaning it is a loss that society doesn’t always validate
In the case of abortion, one of the commonly reported feelings is that people don’t feel they have the same right to grieve the loss because it was their choice or because of the judgment and stigma around abortion.
It’s confusing because many of us didn’t understand at the time of our abortion, that we were already mothers. Or maybe your confusion looks more like this, “I did know…so how could I have done that?
I went to Google, looking for some inspiration and a quick search for, “Mother’s Day and Abortion” produced countless articles from “top” news sources flooding my screen with titles communicating that, for this Mother’s Day, women want choice, they want abortion, they need abortion, it is beneficial to them, and they are unaffected by it.
But that is not what we see here at Surrendering the Secret. We see women carrying guilt, pain, and shame for 10, 20, 30+ years. We see that PASS (Post Abortion Stress Syndrome) is incredibly real. We see women grieving for their children. We see women who regret their decision.
A message that really hit hard for me was from an acquaintance on social media who posted, “This was never about the babies, we’re about to lose 50 years of progress!” Those words pierced my heart like an arrow. My children matter, their lives had value, and abortion did not benefit me…it stole from me.
It even stole my memories. I have Z E R O memory of a second abortion procedure. If I was not able to get my hands on my medical files, I would have no way to prove that it actually happened. I suppose, in that regard, I am a perfect example of someone “unaffected” by abortion. No memories, no effect, right? But did you know, that trauma causes memories to be repressed? It is a defense mechanism of the mind that kicks in to provide protection against traumatic events.
Abortion ends the lives of our children and leaves women (and men) stranded in the wake of its devastation.
“For nearly fifty years, one of the most divisive, polarizing issues we’ve faced as a nation has been the matter of abortion rights. In the coming weeks, as we await an official Supreme Court ruling on this issue, we can expect to see angry protests from those who believe that a woman should have an absolute right to terminate a pregnancy. Poignantly, tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and while the debates rage on, there’s a central issue we can’t lose sight of. God is the Author of life. Every life, from the point of conception, is precious to Him. Every human being is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator God.” – Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
YOUR life is precious to Him too. And He sees your Mother’s heart today.
I want to close with this excerpt from the Surrendering the Secret Bible Study book –
“Not only is your child(ren) fully human, from the moment of conception, but he or she has already been given a personal, eternal, soul. All prenatal existence is linked to postnatal life. The life of our soul is an eternal spiritual continuum that begins at conception and continues into eternity. God placed inestimable value on your child(ren) from the moment of conception; he or she was created and deeply loved by God.” – Pat Layton
And because of Jesus, we will get to see our children again one day.
“At death, the child(ren) immediately passes into the presence of God. Each of those little ones is present with the Father. They have identity and individuality; they deserve to be known for what they are: eternal beings. They still have a divine purpose that, though it may transcend our understanding for the moment, we will perceive clearly when the day dawns that we no longer see through a glass darkly, but will see them face-to-face.” – Adapted from I Will Hold You In Heaven, Pastor Jack Hayford
Today, our Mother’s hearts can cling to the promise that we will hold our children in heaven.
If you have abortion in your past and you are struggling, please know that your pain and loss are real and you have permission to grieve. You also have permission to heal. You are loved, you are seen, you are valued, and your story matters. There is hope and there is healing available to you. Surrendering the Secret can provide a way for future Mother’s Days to be days that can be cherished instead of dreaded.
If you too are reeling from all that you have seen and heard from social media, family, and friends in these recent days, please know that Surrendering the Secret will be your “soft place to land.” No shouting, no arguing, no judging — just a team of women who understand, are willing to listen, support, and show you the way to freedom. You are not alone.
Much love to you all,
If you’d like to connect with one of our Certified Leaders and/or join one of our healing groups, please visit surrenderingthesecret.com/find-help