This particular Mother’s Day may prove to be even more of a challenge than usual for those that have experienced abortion. Not only is this day a public reminder as empty arms, and empty chairs around the family table speak volumes of what abortion has stolen…but we have also been bombarded by “shout it from the rooftop” messages, from both sides of the line, stemming from the the recent leak of the SCOTUS opinion regarding Roe v Wade.
Even as I write this, my mind is spinning with all that I have seen and heard. I want to send the the “right” message to you all, but what does that look like???
Jesus, take the keyboard…
When you are a mother who has lost a child to abortion, grief can be not only difficult, but confusing as well.
It’s difficult because the pain is often unspoken. It is a disenfranchised loss, meaning it is a loss that society doesn’t always validate
In the case of abortion, one of the commonly reported feelings is that people don’t feel they have the same right to grieve the loss because it was their choice or because of the judgment and stigma around abortion.
It’s confusing because many of us didn’t understand at the time of our abortion, that we were already mothers. Or maybe your confusion looks more like this, “I did know…so how could I have done that?
I went to Google, looking for some inspiration and a quick search for, “Mother’s Day and Abortion” produced countless articles from “top” news sources flooding my screen with titles communicating that, for this Mother’s Day, women want choice, they want abortion, they need abortion, it is beneficial to them, and they are unaffected by it.
But that is not what we see here at Surrendering the Secret. We see women carrying guilt, pain, and shame for 10, 20, 30+ years. We see that PASS (Post Abortion Stress Syndrome) is incredibly real. We see women grieving for their children. We see women who regret their decision.
A message that really hit hard for me was from an acquaintance on social media who posted, “This was never about the babies, we’re about to lose 50 years of progress!” Those words pierced my heart like an arrow. My children matter, their lives had value, and abortion did not benefit me…it stole from me.
It even stole my memories. I have Z E R O memory of a second abortion procedure. If I was not able to get my hands on my medical files, I would have no way to prove that it actually happened. I suppose, in that regard, I am a perfect example of someone “unaffected” by abortion. No memories, no effect, right? But did you know, that trauma causes memories to be repressed? It is a defense mechanism of the mind that kicks in to provide protection against traumatic events.
Abortion ends the lives of our children and leaves women (and men) stranded in the wake of its devastation.
“For nearly fifty years, one of the most divisive, polarizing issues we’ve faced as a nation has been the matter of abortion rights. In the coming weeks, as we await an official Supreme Court ruling on this issue, we can expect to see angry protests from those who believe that a woman should have an absolute right to terminate a pregnancy. Poignantly, tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and while the debates rage on, there’s a central issue we can’t lose sight of. God is the Author of life. Every life, from the point of conception, is precious to Him. Every human being is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator God.” – Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
YOUR life is precious to Him too. And He sees your Mother’s heart today.
I want to close with this excerpt from the Surrendering the Secret Bible Study book –
“Not only is your child(ren) fully human, from the moment of conception, but he or she has already been given a personal, eternal, soul. All prenatal existence is linked to postnatal life. The life of our soul is an eternal spiritual continuum that begins at conception and continues into eternity. God placed inestimable value on your child(ren) from the moment of conception; he or she was created and deeply loved by God.” – Pat Layton
And because of Jesus, we will get to see our children again one day.
“At death, the child(ren) immediately passes into the presence of God. Each of those little ones is present with the Father. They have identity and individuality; they deserve to be known for what they are: eternal beings. They still have a divine purpose that, though it may transcend our understanding for the moment, we will perceive clearly when the day dawns that we no longer see through a glass darkly, but will see them face-to-face.” – Adapted from I Will Hold You In Heaven, Pastor Jack Hayford
Today, our Mother’s hearts can cling to the promise that we will hold our children in heaven.
If you have abortion in your past and you are struggling, please know that your pain and loss are real and you have permission to grieve. You also have permission to heal. You are loved, you are seen, you are valued, and your story matters. There is hope and there is healing available to you. Surrendering the Secret can provide a way for future Mother’s Days to be days that can be cherished instead of dreaded.
If you too are reeling from all that you have seen and heard from social media, family, and friends in these recent days, please know that Surrendering the Secret will be your “soft place to land.” No shouting, no arguing, no judging — just a team of women who understand, are willing to listen, support, and show you the way to freedom. You are not alone.
Much love to you all,
If you’d like to connect with one of our Certified Leaders and/or join one of our healing groups, please visit surrenderingthesecret.com/find-help
Finishing the last chapter of the Forgiven and Set Free study. God is always on time. I had my abortion over 40 years ago. I didnt believe I had the right to grieve. Praises to God that He says otherwise!
Amen, Sandy. We serve a mighty God. Even after 48 years, He gives me peace, only found because of His forgiveness.
Amen… I had mine 37 years ago. Although I felt God had forgiven me, I never knew I could grieve either! I am experiencing the greatest joy and freedom in my Christian walk since STS!! My chains are gone, and Satan no longer has a hold on me with my secret!! Thank you Jesus for your mercy, grace and forgiveness!! God bless!
I’m so glad you wrote this because I’ve been feeling hurt also by all the comments from people who have no idea how much abortion hurts women. I’m so blessed to have found STS where we can share our story comfortably.
Thank you. This was very well written. I’m just now reading it. Little late but still a blessing.
From now on, I will come here. I can’t look at the posts anymore. From both sides. Thank you so much for sharing this. God truly blessed us with your post.
Jessie, your words are like a healing balm on the heart. Well said.
Excellent account of what many are feeling this weekend. I also have blocked out any memory of a subsequent abortion, as Nancy DeMoss stated. But the loss is there just the same and the all too clear memory of the first child lost. My hope is Christ alone, and I know I will see my children again. Like King David, I will go to them. To carry the thought of what I first did as an unbeliever in 1974 and again several years later would crush me if it weren’t for the love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness of Jesus.
Today I grieve from my past abortions nearly 40 years ago. No one really understands the pain of the loss except for Jesus who in spite of what I did still loves me and has forgiven me. I too long for the day I can see them. Even though I have surrendered the secret and did the study and I’m healed Mother’s Day is a sad day.
So beautifully said, thank you Jessie. We find comfort in knowing that God has called us forgiven and redeemed and that one day our families will be WHOLE in eternity!
Beautiful blog post Jessie! How wonderful to read this on the day before Mother’s Day!
I had three abortions decades ago and never knew that what I did was wrong until the last few years.
I feel so blessed to have gone through the STS course (and others) and so encouraged by the potential overturning of Roe.
May the future be filled with a culture of life!
My abortion was 38 yrs ago. At 50 years old I volunteered to be a Celebrate Recovery leader for teen girls. In that I had to go through 12 steps first. During 12 steps I confessed my 33 year old secret. The next Sunday the sermon was on abortion. Our pastor displayed on the wall ABORTION IS FORGIVABLE. Wow. Satan told me for 33 years it was not. I went to my pastor confessed to him what happened to me in high school and how I handled it. He directed me to Surrender the Secert. Praise be to God. The healing is undesirable. In church this Sunday on Mothers day. During worship song When Death was arrested. I sang when death was arrested our lives began. Singing to my child with his Heavenly Father , I will hug you one day. Thank you Father God for this ministry.