God Has Given Grace | My Story of Healing After Abortion

I went to Christian counseling for help with anxiety.

What I didn’t realize was that the counseling organization specialized in inner healing, so during my first visit I completed pages of intake questions covering nearly every area of my life.

One question asked if I ever had an abortion.

I answered honestly, without much thought because…I wasn’t there to deal with that. I was there to deal with anxiety.

The Moment Everything Changed

After we had been meeting for several weeks, the counselor suddenly shifted our normal conversation. She brought me back to the abortions I had disclosed on my intake form.

Instantly, I felt exposed, embarrassed, and ashamed. Panic rose up. I deflected, minimized, and shifted the blame.

Then she responded—firm and direct. Like a splash of cold water to my face.

I don’t remember her exact words. But I’ll never forget what happened next.

Something in me broke open.

I saw my choices clearly. I saw them as sin.

Suddenly, a crushing weight overwhelmed me. My head dropped to my knees as deep, gut-wrenching sobs poured out. It was so intense that it alarmed the counselor.

For the first time in my life, I saw how God feels about abortion.

“For the wages of sin is death.” — Romans 6:23

Looking back, I believe the crushing weight I experienced that day was a glimpse of that truth.

He Calls Them By Name

After I calmed down, the counselor led me through a prayer of confession and repentance. Then she gave me an assignment: Ask God to reveal the names of my children and write them a letter.

To ask God for a connection with the lives I had ended felt almost inappropriate.

But I chose to trust the process.

I closed my eyes and began to pray.

Before I could even finish, I heard two names.

Clear. Immediate.

I questioned…was it really God? Or just my mind trying to escape an uncomfortable moment?

I asked again and waited.

Nothing more came, so I wrote the letters—addressing my children by the names I had been given.

That moment changed everything for me.

I saw how God feels about life in the womb.

“I have called you by name, you are mine.” — Isaiah 43:1

What the world calls a “clump of cells,” God calls by name.

God Has Given Grace

Twelve years after God spoke the names of my children to me, I joined a Surrendering the Secret Bible study.

In week seven of the study, we honor our children through a memorial service—writing letters and speaking their names aloud.

As I prepared, I decided to look up the meanings of the names I had received years earlier.

A quick search stopped me in my tracks.

Jonathan means “God has given.” Hannah means “grace.”

God has given grace.

I fell to my knees, completely undone.

Because in that moment, I didn’t just see how God values life—I saw how He feels about me and what He had done for me.

“So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” — Romans 5:21

Through Jesus, God gave what I did not deserve.

Grace.

Unexpected. Undeserved. Unrelenting.

There Is Grace for You Too

For many women, certain moments have a way of bringing the past back to the surface.

Memories emerge. Emotions feel heavier. And the instinct to hide can feel overwhelming.

But you don’t have to stay there.

You are not alone—and you don’t have to carry this by yourself anymore.

At Surrendering the Secret, our mission is not only to acknowledge the lives lost, but to help those impacted find real freedom, deep healing, and restoration.

If something is stirring, don’t push it back down.

Lean into it—because it may be the very place where healing begins.

Take a step today.

Reach out. Talk to someone. Let someone walk with you.